Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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