how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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