I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You left your underwear on the fireplace
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
