Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
