its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
