My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
