I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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