She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
