I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
