I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
