Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think my vagina is haunted
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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