dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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