i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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