i need an iv and a liver transplant
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
