If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
