Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize