ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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