I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
