Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
