get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
