They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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