like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
