well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
