I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
