My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
