Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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