Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
