You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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