There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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