He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
