the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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