Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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