If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
