Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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