it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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