The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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