So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
