I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
