Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
wow bdsm is so cute
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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