If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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