she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
