sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
