The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hippo gnu deer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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