True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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