Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
