is your mom at the bar?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
