The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
