Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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