the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
