i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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