I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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