i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
