I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you had me at cake vodka
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
