My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
