I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
