Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
