I wanna passion pit in your ass
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
