i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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