theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
