I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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