I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
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