How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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