i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
