Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
