just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
