I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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