yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
