There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
pray to the hookup gods
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
