So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just gargled with NyQuil
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
