Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
