I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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