I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
