Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
