I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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