I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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